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"Yes I've Got to Begin Again...But I Don't Know How to Start"

Maybe, after you accomplish something great, you feel the way I sometimes do: warm, invisible ribbons of bliss unspool down your face, torso and limbs, numbing you. Maybe it all starts when you finally finish that term paper after what seemed like an endless night of ulcerating stress: the tooth grinding worse than plate tectonics, the pen biting (until the cap is mangled and your tongue blue), and the uncontrollable, recurring urge to throw down the Rubix cube you've been fumbling just so your hands won't shovel any more Rold Gold pretzels into your mouth.  

Okay, okay...maybe it all sounds a bit exaggerated. But that's what it feels like. 

Anyway, week later, when the professor hands this product of your agony back to you, the big fat A penned in red spurs the thought of all the blood (metaphorically speaking, of course...) you put into it. Then comes the manic, narcissistic impulse to hug the mirror that so brilliantly reflects your inner genius.

Next class, Professor Whatshisname smiles sinisterly and hands you the prompt for another ridiculously difficult assignment. You sink into your chair. You can't possibly go through with it...not again!

You must know what I'm talking about. Maybe you've had a similar experience. Maybe it was worse than or less dramatic than mine. Regardless, at some point in your life, you MUST have known what it felt like to have to begin again not knowing how to start.

Whether you pay a bill one month and don't know how you're going to find funds for the next, whether you accidentally leave your cake out in the rain and don't know how you'll ever find the recipe again, or whether your house of cards collapses with a single breath and you don't have the motivation to rebuild it...

You're not alone. 

Here's a story for you: one time, while cleaning my room and shaking cracker crumbs out of my backpack, a crumpled slip of paper drifted to the floor. It was a fortune cookie message that had settled to the bottom at least a year prior.  I picked it up and read it: "Do not give up; the beginning is always the hardest." I had to laugh.

I guess we can take comfort in the fact that we're all struggling together in our individual difficulties. Yeah, starting over can be extremely agonizing.  But my old faithful fortune cookies never lied to me.  

This I do believe: the beginning always ends; so will the hardest, most painful parts of our journey through life. 

Listen to this guy Dustin Robinson's YouTube rendition of Billy Joel's "Got to Begin Again." He's pretty darn talented.

;) Holly


Anonymous said…
"I am so happy that I am not alone.You know just what I am feeling before another semester........" Thanks, Holly !

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