My First Kitchen Cop-Out

Two days ago, after arriving in Tampa, FL, my dad, his fiance and I traveled 90 minutes to Inverness to visit a 70 year-old family friend. L...

Two days ago, after arriving in Tampa, FL, my dad, his fiance and I traveled 90 minutes to Inverness to visit a 70 year-old family friend. Lovely woman, by the way. She told us, in her thick drawl, that she had a "whole lotta meat" in the freezer and a "buncha other fixins." I figured I'd play Iron Chef and concoct the perfect meal. Like a six year-old high on Skittles and Disney cartoons, I drummed on the back seat window, fantasizing about how I'd wow her with my succulent chicken piccata and sauteed veggies. I imagined she'd have lemons the size of ostrich eggs waiting for me along with the bottle of chardonnay I brought the last time I visited, an unopened jar of capers, and a bag of summer vegetables from a roadside farmer's market.

Well, Bobby Flay would flip his lid if he found what I found: a frozen package of poultry with a sell-by date of November 11, 2004 (I guess she believes in chicken cryogenics...), a few furry carrots, an unmarked transparent tub brimming with what looked like Maalox-coated clumps, and a dented can of jellied cranberry sauce from Winn-Dixie.

This is the first and
only time I will say this: Thank God for Papa John's Pizza.

Yum's the word. Uhhh, not!

Holly

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1 comment

Anonymous said...

I can't wait to hear your next comment!! Right now I am craving a grapefruit!!! Hopefully your taste buds are getting what they deserve in Puerto Rico!!!

...BUT AT LEAST MY HAIR STILL LOOKS GREAT!
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